Bleach Drabbles
by Nadat
Summary: Several drabbles, exactly 100 words each, following many different characters in the Bleach universe. Some will contain spoilers, but are marked at the top as such. Rated T just in case, though I doubt it will go there.
1. An end to boredom

Regular disclaimer: No characters belong to me. None. I wish they did, but they're all Tite Kubo's.

No Spoilers in this one. Kenpachi and Yachiru.

* * *

There were shouts and screams outside, but Kenpachi was bored and angry. The fighters out there were all students, not even worth Yachiru's time. He also had paperwork to do.

"Baka. Paperwork if you kill something, paperwork if you don't. Stupid."

"Ken-chan looks pissed."

"Don't use that word."

"Baldy uses it!"

"Then I'll kill him later."

"Oh fun! I wanna watch!" The small weight climbed his arm and peered over his shoulder. "That looks boring."

"It is."

"It's all blank! I bet pictures would make it better!"

Later, Yamamoto would yell, loudly. But Kenpachi and Yachiru were no longer bored.


	2. Simple suggestion

MILD SPOILERS FOR SS ARC – Aizen and Gin

* * *

"I'm bored."

"Again, taichou? Ya took out another Menos yesterday…"

"Yes, but that's so… routine."

"Could tie Byakuya's scarf ends tagether."

"Did that last week, also at your suggestion."

"Oh, right. Mix up Mayuri's potions again?"

"No, he didn't kill anyone out of frustration. That was a failure."

"I dunno, taichou. Why dontcha take over the world?"

"So cliché. And overcomplicated."

"Yeah, but ya won't be bored no more."

"That's a good point… Help me?"

"Sure!"


	3. Like lion, like fox

Mild Spoilers for Shinigami Picture Book. Komamura and Kon

* * *

He hated Sereitei. Most of it was probably because they'd sentenced his kind to die; the day Kon was born was the day they'd slaughtered most of the mod-souls. He didn't think he'd ever forgive Yamamoto. At least Central Room 46 had been slaughtered just like his kindred.

Kon forced himself to focus on happy thoughts. He'd enjoyed Hanatarou's Shikai, but now was a bit worried the spiky-haired taichou might be smarter than he looked. Turning a corner, he ran into another taichou, but this one was massive. Kon's mouth dropped open.

"Daddy!" he yelled, and clung to Komamura's foot.


	4. On the rooftop

Kenpachi and Shunsui

* * *

Zaraki wasn't sure why he liked to hang out on rooftops with Kyoraku.

They didn't have the same spirit; Kyoraku would rather drink than fight, and would prefer to be in the company of young women than another male taichou. Zaraki knew that Ukitake was the only exception. Zaraki refused to speculate.

Yet somehow Zaraki felt more relaxed with Yachiru at one side and Kyoraku on the other.

As if reading his thoughts, Kyoraku smiled and refilled Zaraki's sake glass. "To rooftops."

Zaraki grunted and joined in the toast.

Yachiru mimicked with her cup of juice.

Peace wasn't too bad.


	5. Not quite seeing eye to eye

Possible spoilers for Soul Society Arc - Ichimaru and Kenpachi

* * *

"Why be merciful to a criminal?" Ichimaru asked after he'd dragged Zaraki away from an angry Kuchiki Byakuya.

"It's his sister."

"All th' more fun ta play with him, then."

"Making people hurt isn't fun. Challenging kills are."

"Killing is easy. Breakin' someone… now there's a challenge."

Zaraki shook his head. He knew they wouldn't see eye-to-eye. He grinned. It didn't help that he was about a foot taller than the 3rd Squad Taichou. Ichimaru's eyes were at the level of Zaraki's collarbone.

"You're laughin'."

"Maybe."

"I'm bored."

"We could pick on Mayuri."

"I'm always up fer that."

"I know."


	6. Nobody likes ya

Ichimaru and Mayuri

* * *

"An' what's this do?"

Mayuri glared, but glares never worked on Ichimaru. "Why?"

"Dunno. Jus' dropped by in case you were feelin' lonely. None of tha other captains likes ya."

"Excuse me?"

"Ain't it obvious? You're only a captain 'cause Yamamoto figured you'd kill anyone over you besides Urahara."

Mayuri bristled. "I'm better than him."

"Yeah? Ya ain't been kicked from Sereitei yet."

"I'm busy."

"Busy wi' tha Shinigami Women's Association?"

Mayuri blinked.

"Ran was laughin' 'bout it yesterday. Too bad they don' like ya either." With a twirl of his robes, Ichimaru departed, leaving behind an angrily shaking Mayuri.


	7. Mischief

Kisuke and Renji

* * *

"Freeloader-san!"

Renji groaned and got up. The shopkeeper's voice was the worst thing to wake up to. No, Renji corrected himself, the second-worst. Worst was Byakuya-taichou's voice from right behind him when he'd fallen asleep at the desk.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Renji muttered.

"Now, now, Freeloader-san, there are chil—"

"I didn't mean it like that, pervert."

The hat's brim couldn't hide the sparkle of Uraharas's eyes. "How disappointing."

Renji sighed. He could see why stories of this man and Kyoraku-taichou were still circulating around Sereitei.

"You needed something?"

"Just seeing if you'd respond."

"I hate you."

Urahara grinned.


	8. Petsmart

Slight spoilers for Soul Society arc.

* * *

"I don't even know what store to go in. I never did this sort of thing while I was alive…"

"Our job is to serve, Iba. Unnecessary talk will only draw attention."

"Yeah, but…"

"Enough. Our objective is ahead."

"Pfft. You talk like you're on some sort of ninja mission. It's a food run."

"It's a secretive food run. No one must know."

"You second-squad types are all--"

"Hello-how-may-I-help-you-today?" An overly enthusiastic salesperson bounced towards them.

"Just looking, thanks."

The girl bounced away.

"Purina. Where am I supposed to find Purina?"

"Probably not near the Friskies my captain wants."


	9. Easy solution

Shunsui and Ukitake, T rating for implied fun.

* * *

It started so simply.

"This cough syrup is the worst-tasting yet. I think Unohana-taichou is upset at me for something."

"Poor Jyuu-kun. We can fix that easily."

But this was Shunsui talking. Nothing was ever easy with Shunsui. Except Shunsui.

"You have flavoring syrups? I thought they were hard to get."

"I have flavored liquor…"

Later Ukitake would ask himself many times why that sounded like a good idea at the time. For now, though, he was more concerned with extricating himself from the tree and gathering up his clothing. He could see different pieces, scattered. So much for easy.


	10. How's that, boy?

Ichigo and Kanonji

* * *

Ichigo struggled against the cords that held him to a telephone pole. It would figure that a Hollow could generate them. It was laughing about how he'd be a tasty treat.

"I'm not ready to die yet!" He glared, as if that could do anything.

The Hollow loomed over him, smacking its lips.

"Golden Kannonball!"

Ichigo's bonds exploded, leaving him free to defeat the Hollow.

"How about that, boy? I saved my apprentice's life!"

"I am not your apprentice."

"But now you owe me your life. We'll make an splendid team!"

"Go away."

"You can be my sidekick!"

"Get lost."


	11. Let there be no cake

Written because of the newest episode of Bleach – 134. The Menos Grande attacks a cake. Why? A tribute to the second-worst episode of Bleach. Spoilers for Soul Society Arc. Aizen and Ichimaru.

* * *

"Oh, and when we get to Hueco Mundo, Gin, there is to be no cake."

"Wha'? No cake? Why?"

"A little-known secret the Gillians have let me in on - Menos Grandes fear cake above all else."

"All cake? You mean no cheesecake either?"

"No cake, Gin. They go berserk and attack it."

"Hueco Mundo is gonna suck."

"You can still opt out. Rukia won't be brought back for execution for a few more days."

"Nah, I'm in, I'm in. Yer the only one I could serve under. I'm jus' sayin', though. I'm gonna miss cake."

"Yes. We all will."


	12. The 9th Division Office

Tousen and Hisagi. No spoilers.

* * *

"Thank you for showing me to my office, fukataichou." Tousen's voice was warm. Hisagi felt himself warming in response to it.

"Of course, taichou. If there is anything else I can do for you…"

"No, this will do for now. The door is to the north, yes?"

"Yes, taichou."

"Thank you. And now I have a meeting to attend to." Tousen headed out the door, walking slowly to enjoy his new surroundings.

"Wait, Taichou—"

Thud.

"Apparently there are stairs here."

"Yes, taichou…"

"I believe we may want to grow soft grass here, fukataichou. To… beautify the place."

"Yes, Taichou."


	13. Ikkaku is SMRT

Zaraki and Byakuya. No Spoilers

* * *

Zaraki slapped his palm to his forehead.

"Does that help?" Byakuya asked.

"He did what?" Zaraki was determined to ignore the obnoxious question. Of course it helped.

"I believe it's called head-butting. Fukataichou Yachiru made a bet with your bald officer that his head was not as tough as a Hollow's. After head-butting, which did surprisingly break the Hollow's mask, he fell to the ground, unconscious. Unohana asked that I tell you, as I was passing the Fourth Division Headquarters when they brought him in."

"Tough head," Zaraki said after digesting the news.

"Thick, I would say."

"Yeah. That too."


	14. Reading, interrupted

Nanao and Kyoraku. No spoilers.

* * *

"Taichou. I have finished the paperwork. Please let me read in peace."

"But Nanao-chan…"

"I need to finish the seventh book before the spoilers are leaked everywhere. I have two hundred pages left; I'll be done tonight. Please just go away for now."

"I brought sake."

"I don't want sake."

"Sushi? I can get sushi. Or maybe you want a noodle dish? Beef? Whatever my Nanao-chan wants, I can get."

"I want peace and quiet."

"A piece of pie? Okay."

"No! I…" Nanao sighed as she watched Kyoraku run off. At least she'd have some quiet time until he returned.


	15. Mocking with tea

Spoilers for Soul Society Arc. Aizen, Ichimaru, Tousen.

* * *

"We succeeded."

"You had doubts, Tousen?" Aizen raised an eyebrow, and realized the motion was wasted.

"No…"

"I didn't. Yamamoto tried to execute tha only one coulda figured it out. Glad only Yoruichi made it back. Kisuke coulda been a headache."

"True, Gin. We must remember to thank Yamamoto should we see him again. Manners are always important."

"Gonna serve him tea too?"

"Of course not. That would just be mocking. I'll let you serve him; you mock so well."

"I wanna serve Byakuya tea if he comes ta play with us. All over his pretty blue scarf."

"Of course."


	16. Playtime

Wanted to publicly say thank you to everyone who has reviewed. I love working with these characters, and getting reviews makes it even more fun.

This drabble is wrong. So very wrong. You've been warned. Yachiru and Kira, spoilers for Soul Society arc.

* * *

"Is blond-fukataichou sad again?"

Kira looked up to see Yachiru watching him. "No, I'm fine."

"I know what would cheer you up. Be right back!" Yachiru dashed off. A bemused Kira watched her, then went back to his work. Ever since Ichimaru-taichou had left—no, he didn't want to think about that again. He attacked the papers.

"Here!" Yachiru held a case.

"What's that?"

"It's what Feathers uses when he's not happy. It has all sorts of pretty colors." She opened it.

"I'm not going to put on makeup. That's for girls."

Yachiru ignored him, pulled out lipstick, and charged.


	17. Wandering hands

Pure crack, written for a friend who really likes Kenpachi. This one would probably fall under the M rating...

* * *

"Bored again?"

"Jyuu-kun is in the mortal world, Nanao-chan has a hair appointment, and I don't have anyone to drink sake with. Join me, Kenpachi-kun?"

Kenpachi grinned and sat down.

"No shoulder accessory?"

"Nah. She's terrorizing the new recruits. Very effective."

One drink turned into five, turned into ten. Kyoraku's hands moved.

"Not that drunk yet."

"How much more?"

"Three cups. Until then, get your hand out of my hakama."

Shunsui poured the drinks. Kenpachi drank them.

A few minutes later Kenpachi was wondering why it was again that he spent so much time alone. And then he stopped thinking.


	18. Hopeless Romantic

Shunsui, Ukitake, and Nanao. No spoilers.

* * *

"Sometimes I don't understand how you can put up with him." Nanao stared out the window, watching Shunsui attempting to carry a bouquet bigger than himself to the Thirteenth Division office.

Ukitake smiled. "Sometimes I wonder too. And then he goes and does something like this."

Shunsui fell over.

Nanao tried not to smile. It was hard. "He lacks common sense."

"He more than makes up for it. Look, he's even got white roses in there…"

"Watch him cut himself on a thorn."

"Most likely. And then it will be my turn to nurse him, a pleasant change."

"I guess."


	19. Worth a chance

Slight spoilers, but you wouldn't know that if you didn't already know what had gone on, so it's safe for all to read. Hanatarou and Hinamori.

* * *

Hanatarou peered into the room where Hinamori Momo was resting still. After her latest outburst to Hitsugaya, Yamamoto-soutaichou had her brought here again.

"I'm glad she can sleep, at least," Unohana said from behind him.

Hanatarou turned around suddenly, startled by his Taichou's presence. "Um, yes."

She smiled at him. "You watch her every time she's in here."

He turned red.

"Maybe you should talk to her sometime. She would like that, I think."

"Um…"

"It can't hurt." Unohana walked away.

Hanatarou watched her go, and then looked at the sleeping Hinamori again. It probably wouldn't hurt. He would try.


	20. Like Siblings

Yachiru and Ikkaku. No spoilers.

* * *

She leaned over Ikkaku's shoulder. "Whatcha doing?"

"I have to report that I reached Bankai now that everyone knows about it." He glared at the form.

"I could draw pictures for it!"

"Nah, this has to look just right."

"Ken-chan got me new crayons. It would look perfect!"

"Fukataichou—"

"See?" She brandished her new box.

"I gotta…"

She pouted. Her little shoulders slumped. "I just wanted to play with you."

He sighed. "Get over here. Draw me."

"Yay!" She snuggled next to him and happily drew every detail of his head, adding extra shininess. "Now it's perfect!"

"Heh. Yeah."


	21. Hisagi's Birthday

Spoilers for Soul Society Arc. Hisagi and Kira. Today appears to be Hisagi's birthday.

* * *

Hisagi stood in front of the grave, staring into the distance. Earlier Yamamoto set a date for when every squad needed to be ready to fight, and made it clear that there would be no mercy given to traitors.

"Happy birthday to me," Shuuhei whispered.

"Speaking of… I got you a cake."

Hisagi turned around, startled, to see Kira standing there. "What?"

"Figured you might want one, and that you don't really want to talk, but you want to share it. I sorta know how that goes."

For the first time in ages, Hisagi smiled. "Don't suppose you remembered forks?"


	22. Hair!

No Spoilers. Byakuya, Kenpachi, Tousen, Komamura.

* * *

Byakuya entered Shinigami Hairdressers and took a seat beside Kenpachi. "Bell fall out again?" he asked. 

"Yeah. Gonna see what she can do. I lose one every time I fight hard. Chain broke on your hair piece?"

"Yes."

Tousen walked in with Komamura. "And then she snipped off the ties on every single dreadlock. SoiFon is obnoxious sometimes."

"I just wish my coat wouldn't get dull so fast."

The proprietor and sole enployee of SH took one look at her waiting room and fainted. All four stared.

"Ever get the feeling we're over-demanding?" asked Kenpachi.

"No," responded the other three.


	23. Of teeth and shiny heads

No spoilers. Ikkaku and Yumichika

* * *

"Why does Yachiru insist on biting my head just after I shine it?" Ikkaku asked Yumichika.

"It's like putting a sign up that says 'Wet Paint.' Ugly people have to touch it and get paint all over their hands."

"Are you calling the fukataichou ugly?"

A sigh. "You're slow. I'm simply making a connection. The bench is pretty, and ugly people mess it up. Your head is ugly, and pretty Yachiru drools on it."

"Wait. What? But that's the opposite…"

"Is it?" Yumichika sparkled.

"Why do I ask you anything? All you do is confuse me."

"And it's so easy."


	24. Doctor's Housecall

No spoilers. Isshin and Ryuuken.

* * *

"Ishida residence." 

"Ryuu-kun! Do you still make house calls?"

Click.

Another ring. "Ishida residence."

"Ryuu-"

Click.

Ring. "Ishida residence."

"I think I broke my ankle."

Ryuuken sighed. He didn't want to encourage Isshin, but… "How?"

"Karin left a rollerblade out and I stepped on it."

"At least it wasn't a banana peel, though I wouldn't be surprised. Why are you calling me?"

"Because you're a doctor too, and I need help with my ankle."

"I do not have the energy to deal with you today."

"That's all right! I can be quiet!"

"No you can't."

"Please?"

"I'll regret this."

"Yay!"


	25. Babysitting

No spoilers, silly fluff. Kisuke and Kenpachi

* * *

"Yer sure you can handle her?" 

"Of course, of course. I babysit Yoruichi all the time. Yachiru will be no different." Kisuke grinned over his fan at Zaraki.

"It's just… Unohana wants a weekend of… adult stuff. Ya know?"

"Yes, I do. Women can be like that. Yachiru should get along well with my Ururu. We'll have lots of fun!"

"No perverted stuff."

"None whatsoever!"

Zaraki glanced at Yachiru. She was chasing a giggling bunny around the shop. "This is only because no one in Sereitei will watch her."

"She'll be fine with me!"

"Else I'll kill ya."

"Of course."


	26. Blackmail

No spoilers. Nanao and Ukitake.

* * *

"Great," Nanao muttered. "Not only is the drunken lout passed out, he's got another drunken lout on top of him. Why is it always the heavy ones?" She sighed, took a picture, and started shoving Iba off of Shunsui. "I don't even want to know how they ended up like this…"

"Arm wrestling, actually." Ukitake stepped into the room, clearly fighting a smile.

"That's better than what I was coming up with," Nanao said.

"What's the camera for?" Ukitake asked, helping move Iba.

"Blackmail for the next time Yamamoto-soutaichou needs something signed and Kyoraku-taichou tries to run off."

"Brilliant."

"Always."


	27. Lost toy

This one is a little bit disturbing. Slight sorta-spoilers for the Bount arc. Aizen, Gin, and Nova.

* * *

"Look what I found!" Gin seemed ecstatic, so Aizen decided to humor him.

"What did you find, Gin?"

Gin thrust a turtle toy into Aizen's hands. Aizen stared at it. "It has reiatsu…"

"It's another one of Kisuke's creations. Poke it."

Against his better judgement, Aizen poked the plushie. It vanished from his hands and appeared again, three feet away, making a mad dash for the doorway. Gin scooped it up, dangling it and grinning widely.

"Ain't it cute?"

"What is it meant to do?"

"I dunno, but I think it's cute. I'm gonna sew it to my coat's shoulder."


	28. Advice

No real spoilers. Shunsui and Kira

* * *

"You still look depressed."

Kira whirled around, startled. "Ah, Kyoraku-taichou! I'm fine, really!"

"You need to get laid." Shunsui grinned. "You could get drunk and find someone."

Kira turned a brilliant red. "No… I mean… I'm fine! I'm really great! See?" Kira forced his mouth into a smile.

"You know, there are plenty of people wanting to sleep with a fukataichou."

"Sir…" Kira backed up a step, wondering what to do now.

Shunsui sighed and stepped forward. Kira braced himself. Shunsui patted Kira's shoulder. "Relax, Kira-kun. It'll get easier with time." He left and Kira breathed a sigh of relief.


	29. Tattoos

Minor Bount Arc spoilers. Hisagi, Cloud, and Matsumoto. This one is probably a 'T' rating for implications.

* * *

"So, does the tattoo work?"

Hisagi looked around, trying to find the speaker.

"Down here."

Oh. It was the little bunny-thing meant to find Bount. "Work?"

"Yeah, the sixty-nine. Does it draw anyone in?"

"You're a bunny…"

"Not all the time."

Hisagi shook his head, unsure about holding a conversation with a plush bunny. "Not really. It draws attention, but only people I don't want."

"Oh. I was thinking of getting one, but if it doesn't work…"

"There you are!" Matsumoto burst in and scooped the bunny to her ample chest.

Hisagi frowned. The bunny didn't need a tattoo, obviously.


	30. Pranks in Sereitei

No spoilers. Ichimaru and Tousen.

* * *

"Good morning, Tousen-taichou!"

"Gin. What do you want?"

"I can't be friendly?"

Papers rustled, but that told Tousen nothing. "You never visit to be friendly. Last time you stole my favorite cup. I thought for hours that I'd misplaced it…"

"Was that me? So sorry."

"Gin, why are you here?"

"I'm leaving. Next time you could be nicer."

Tousen waited for the reiatsu to fade; it took a few minutes. "Hisagi."

"Yes, Taichou?"

"Come here. Tell me what Ichimaru taped to my walls." Tousen heard a choking noise. "Hisagi?"

"Um. Porn, sir."

"Porn?"

"Of you and Komamura-taichou, sir."

"ICHIMARU GIN!"


	31. Playdate

No Spoilers. Ichigo and Zaraki.

* * *

"Oi! Ichigo! Come fight me!"

Ichigo's eyes widened as he glanced at the classroom window. People were staring down at the ground, and Orihime was waving. "Yachiru-kun!"

Ichigo went to the window himself. "Go away! I'm in class!"

"I wanna fight!"

"I don't!"

"Coward!"

"What is going on?" Ichigo's teacher came into the room.

Ishida grinned. "One of Ichigo's little friends wants to play."

"Little? And friend? I'll—"

"Oh, the little girl? Hey, you down there! He'll be out in an hour, he can play then!"

Kenpachi grinned. "Thanks! I'll wait here!"

Ichigo groaned. "Ishida, with friends like you…"


	32. Pranks in Sereitei II

No spoilers. Ichimaru and Byakuya. Thank you yet again to my readers. This thing has more hits than words, and more reviews than chapters, which is astounding to me. Thank you.

* * *

Kuchiki Byakuya knew that he was one of Ichimaru Gin's favorite prank targets, second only to Tousen. Therefore, Gin's pranks rarely surprised him. 

This time, though, Gin succeeded marvelously. Byakuya would kill Gin, once he got out of this.

Once again Byakuya tried to stand, and once again the chair rose with him, adhered firmly to his rear end. He sat back down.

Renji tried very hard not to laugh. Byakuya glared until the man had a straight face.

Byakuya sighed. "Find Unohana. Say nothing to anyone else."

A smirking Renji departed, and Byakuya rested his head in his hands.


	33. Overeager

No spoilers. Ukitake and Shunsui.

* * *

Shunsui stopped just inside the 13th Division office, panting, but seemed to relax when he saw the two unconscious Shinigami on the floor.

"Shunsui?" Jyuushirou sounded concerned.

"Sorry. When I got your message that you needed help getting to the Fourth…"

Ukitake's eyes widened. "No! I said I needed help getting these guys to the Fourth!"

Shunsui nodded, and finished catching his breath. "So. What did they do this time?"

"I dropped a sheet of paper. One sheet. They both dived to be the first to retrieve it."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Because they did this last week too."


	34. Pink Crayon Paperwork

No spoilers. Hitsugaya and Matsumoto

* * *

Matsumoto came into the tenth Division office, dropped her paperwork on Hitsugaya's desk two hours early, and turned to leave. 

"What is this?"

"My paperwork. It's all done."

"It can't be…" Hitsugaya picked up the top sheet and looked at it. "You did not do this."

"Taichou! How can you be so cruel? Of course I did! And it's early! You should be proud of me, not—"

"Matsumoto!"

"Taichou?"

"It's in pink crayon, except for the elaborate drawing, done in what looks like blood, labeled 'Ken-chan killing the big ugly Hollows dead.' You did not do this."

"Oh. Oops."


	35. Pranks in Sereitei III

No Spoilers. Gin, of course. Happy birthday to Renji, hee.

* * *

Gin came to Renji's birthday party smiling. This was no different from normal. But he also came bearing a new plaything.

For days Gin had labored at getting the precise shade of blue nail polish he wanted. Then, to be careful, he spiked the punch at the party. It was probably already spiked, as Shunsui, Ikkaku, and Iba were there. But it did not hurt to be careful.

When Renji was passed out Gin painted each of his nails, and added, just above Renji's ankle, "Love, Byakuya" in script that the even the Kuchiki heir would think was his own.


	36. Daddy's Got Skillz

Spoilers for episode 112 of Bleach. Isshin, Ryuuken.

* * *

"Daddy has skills!"

"Isshin, taking down a basic hollow does not give you bragging rights."

"I got it before you could."

"Only because you stepped on my foot. I can't feel my toes; have you gained weight?"

"How rude! Kisuke creations don't gain weight. He has them specifically calibrated."

"That's a pretty big word for you."

"I have a big mouth. Karin stuffed a newspaper in it the other day…"

"I saw pictures. At least my spawn doesn't abuse me."

"Hitting daddy means they love daddy!"

"I shot my son."

"Yay! Ryuu-kun is following my footsteps!"

"Am not."

"Are too!"


	37. Future Leaders

No spoilers. Byakuya, Zaraki, Renji, Ikkaku.

* * *

"So, then, we went like this." Renji leaned, demonstrating. "After that, it was all like watch out! But we took it down."

"Yeah? This one time, we had this big thing but Yumichika did this funky thing and we knocked it apart." Ikkaku smirked.

Byakuya and Zaraki watched, nearby.

"This is why he's not being considered for captaincy," Byakuya muttered. "His tactics leave much to be desired."

"I'm not as concerned with tactics as I am with stupid. Ikkaku wouldn't know a good plan if it stabbed him."

"And these are the future leaders of Sereitei."

"We're screwed."

"Basically, yes."


	38. Bedtime Stories

Very slight, almost insignificant spoiler for Soul Society arc. Orihime, Tsubaki.

* * *

"And so Little Red Riding Hood learned not to talk to strangers." Orihime finished the story and looked at the six small forms around her. She tucked in the five sleeping ones, and glanced at Tsubaki. "I'm not going to read something about blood and gore."

"Oh come on! You have no killing will, no good stories… I bet Zaraki Kenpachi knows some. You shoulda stayed on his shoulder longer."

"Yachiru-chan was pulling me off."

Tsubaki glared.

"Fine, fine. Once upon a time there was a violent fairy…"

"Shun shun rikka."

"A stubborn, violent fairy boy."

"There better be blood."


	39. Masculinity

No spoilers. Ikkaku and Yumichika.

* * *

"Stop, Ikkaku!"

The horror in Yumichika's voice made Ikkaku whirl around, expecting to see an Espada right behind him. He saw no one besides Yumichika. "What?"

"My longest feather! It fell off! I have to find it. The symmetry is off and not beautiful!"

"It's a feather."

"It's symmetry!"

"Yeah, you said that already. We got Iba's party to get to…"

"I can't show my face without it!"

"Idiot."

Five hours later, Ikkaku tried to make his explanation for being so late sound masculine and worthy of the Eleventh Division. At least everyone was drunk and would forget by morning.


	40. Scattered Chaos

No Spoilers. Byakuya, Renji, Yachiru, Matsumoto

* * *

He just wanted quiet. But between Renji speaking with Matsumoto at Abari's desk and Yachiru on a candy raid there was none to be found in the Sixth Division Office.

Byakuya glared at the group, but no one noticed.

"The candy stars are the best, but I like the gummy bugs because Ken-chan tells me they squish like real guts when you chew them and—"

"Matsumoto, you keep your pens there?"

"They never fall out."

Byakuya stood up. "Scatter…"

They did. Not bothering to hide a small smile, Byakuya patted Sebonzakura and locked the office doors. Silence at last.


	41. Value of Candy

No spoilers. Yachiru, Kenpachi, others.

* * *

There were five Captains in Soul Society that gave Yachiru candy.

Byakuya gave it to her in hopes she'd go away. Futile hopes.

Toshiro gave her candy because he wanted to get rid of it.

Yamamoto gave her candy as a bribe for quiet.

Ukitake gave her candy while grinning like a loon.

Kenpachi, though, only gave her candy when she earned it, and that, for some reason, made it worth more.

"Ya gotta kill all 50 balloons before they get away, if ya want candy stars tonight."

"Okay!"

"Ikkaku, let go of 'em."

Nowhere else was Yachiru so happy.


	42. Pranks in Sereitei: Birthday edition

No Spoilers. Gin, Tousen, Byakuya.Today, September 10th, is Ichimaru Gin's birthday.

* * *

Gin spent the morning of his birthday oiling every surface of Tousen's office.

Byakuya and Tousen spent that same morning laying tripwires and setting up buckets of water to fall from every conceivable spot in Ichimaru's office.

Renji, Iba, Ikkaku, and Yumichika filled Ichimaru's house with spiders.

Everyone forgot Kira.

Three hours later, oily and bruised Tousen was yelling at everyone in 'sight.' Kira was recovering in the Fourth Division, covered in spider bites, with bruises on both his ankles, and two concussions from buckets. Everyone decided the birthday boy won.

Gin was happy, and promptly began plotting more fun.


	43. Guilt Trip

Spoilers for Soul Society arc. Hitsugaya and Matsumoto.

* * *

Ever since Aizen left Soul Society, Hitsugaya had been trying to be more patient with Matsumoto. Each time Hinamori, Kira, or Hisagi sighed, he pictured Matsumoto.

This was much harder when she was pressing his face into her chest.

"Mmhpphm."

"Hm, Taichou?"

He pushed her back. "I said, I'm suffocating. Stop it."

"But you look so cute when you're angry. I can't resist."

"Matsumoto…"

"I need to get all my hugging in now. Who knows what might happen in the war?"

Hitsugaya's shoulders slumped.

Matsumoto tried not to gloat. She knew his weaknesses, all right. Gleefully she hugged him again.


	44. Proactive

No Spoilers. Unohana, Kenpachi.

On days like this, when Zaraki Kenpachi grinned, the Fourth Division panicked.

Unohana sighed as Iemura ran by with another load of bandages. She stopped him, and took two rolls.

"Unohana-taichou?"

"I think I'll attend to the problem directly." Unohana fast-stepped her way to the 11th Division, to where Zaraki was challenging his subordinates to cut him. "Do you have a moment, Zaraki-taichou?"

He glanced at her, puzzled, but followed her to his office and took a seat. "Yeah?"

Using every bit of speed she had, Unohana tied him to the chair. "Sorry. My Division needs a break today."

"Hey!"


	45. Peepin' Toms

No spoilers. Ikkaku, Kenpachi, Yachiru.

* * *

Ikkaku plopped down on the office floor, fuming. "The second squad is a bunch of idiot peeping toms! They need lives!"

"Ken-chan?"

A grunt.

"What's a peeping tom?"

Zaraki glared at Ikkaku, and then tossed all the paperwork into the bald Shinigami's lap. "Here. I gotta teach her something new. You get to play with this."

Much play on rooftops later, Zaraki patted Yachiru. "An' that's how ya be a peepin' tom. But don't do it if it sounds like someone's bein' hurt. Then ya just come an' tell me, okay?"

"But why, Ken-chan?"

"I'll tell ya when yer older."


	46. Flustering Nanaochan

No spoilers. Ukitake, Shunsui, Nanao

* * *

"I hope you brought me something besides a t-shirt this real-world trip…" Shunsui peered into Ukitake's over-large shopping bag.

"I brought this." Ukitake held out a mold.

"Um. Thank you? What is it?"

"It's a shot-glass mold. Pour juice into it, freeze it, and then enjoy alcohol from it."

"Thank you! I love it!"

Ukitake smiled.

The next day, Shunsui sat behind his desk, cup in hand.

Nanao looked up. "Sir, you're slurping. And what are you doing to your cup?"

"Licking it."

"Sir, do you have to stare at me while you do that?"

"Am I flustering my Nanao-chan?"


	47. Imperfect Day

Spoilers for episode 112. Ryuuken, Isshin

* * *

Ryuuken smiled, leaning back in his office chair. Today had gone well, and tonight would be peaceful without Uryuu home. If there was such a thing as a perfect day…

"Ryuu-kun!"

Crap. Apparently he couldn't have a perfect day. "Isshin. I thought you were banned from this hospital."

"I am! But I left my gigai in the bushes!" The Shinigami entered Ryuuken's office, grinning from ear to ear.

"When did you become a Shinigami again?"

"Aren't you happy? Now we can hunt Hollows together!"

"I'd rather gouge out my eyeballs."

"The daddies save the world again!"

"Please… just kill me…"


	48. A New Tattoo

No spoilers. Renji, Hisagi, Ikkaku, Yumichika.

* * *

"I've been thinking about getting a new tattoo, now that I've got Bankai," Renji said.

"Really?" Hisagi looked at the redhead. "You think you have room for more?"

"Whatcha gonna get?" asked Ikkaku.

Yumichika grinned. "He should get a cherry blossom."

"For the last time, my captain did NOT paint my nails. We all know that was Ichimaru-taichou."

"Right, right, we believe you." Yumichika was still grinning like an idiot.

"So I need an idea still."

"You should add feathers. Feathers can make anything beautiful."

Renji let them keep suggesting, but, honestly, a cherry blossom might be what he wanted.


	49. Hoist Yer Sails!

No Spoilers. Yumichika and Ikkaku, on September 19th, which be a most special day.

* * *

"Hoist yer sails!"

"Die, Ikkaku." Yumichika pulled a pillow over his head.

"Do ye know what day today be?"

Yumichika sighed. "Yes. My birthday. Now go away."

There was a pause, and for a moment Yumichia hoped his neighbor had left.

"Your birthday be fallin' on International Talk Like a Pirate Day? Ye be cooler than I thought!"

Yumichika groaned. "I think I repressed the memories of last year…"

"Hoist yer sails! We're gonna get some grub and grog!"

"Your talk is distinctly unpretty."

"Even the Captain be talkin' like this!"

"And to think all I wanted was a manicure…"


	50. The Captain's Haori

Decided that shince this was my fiftieth drabble, I'd do something a bit special. Here are 16 drabbles, one on each of the people who have held Captaincy. Thank you to everyone who has read, thank you again to those who have also reviewed.

Spoilers for Soul Society Arc and episode 112.

Disclaimers: Bleach isn't mine, I own none of these characters. Also, the punchline of Yamamoto's drabble is from Terry Pratchett's wonderful Discworld series, so therefore that is not mine either.

* * *

Yamamoto did not consider himself old or out-of touch. He certainly was not quick to anger, overbearing, or senile. If sometimes he needed more rest than other people, certainly that was understandable. 

He was fair and kind, sometimes too kind, in his opinion.

But after today's events, that would stop. That is, it would stop as soon as he was sure every one of the sticky notes stuck on him by Ichimaru and Kyoraku when he dozed off during a Captain's meeting were off. Especially the ones tangled in his beard.

What in Sereitei did "I ATE'NT DEAD" mean, anyways?

-----------------

Something about fast-stepping through the trees exhilarated SoiFon. The suddenly looming branches and bursts of birds from the leaves she had to dodge meant she was alive. 

Perhaps it was the fact that when she moved this quickly, Omaeda couldn't keep up, and couldn't drop disgusting crumbs on her. She'd already washed her hair twice today because of him.

Or maybe, in moving this quickly and gracefully she reminded herself of someone else, someone lithe, faster, and whom SoiFon longed to see.

Once utterly devoted, always utterly devoted, in SoiFon's mind. One day, her princess would hold her once more.

----------------

Ichimaru Gin didn't like people who showed their emotions on their face. To him, it was a sign of weakness. 

It was a dead giveaway if someone like Byakuya or Tousen smirked. He knew to send Kira to check out his office and house before he got there. Lovely, loyal Kira.

No, it was far easier to always smile. This way, when he grinned at the snotty Kuchiki heir, Byakuya didn't suspect any more than usual that the legs of his chair had been mostly sawn-through. Or that hornets now lurked in his drawers.

Masks made pranks, and life, easier.

------------------

While Unohana preferred days with no emergencies, she was proud of the way her little family responded to serious wounds. 

Each of them was well-trained, and while a few were lacking in bedside manner, they all were efficient and intelligent. You couldn't be lazy and make it in the Fourth.

Currently Hanatarou was running bandages to members of the Eleventh who had decided to 'play' today, Isane was running a new cough syrup to the Thirteenth, and Iemura was trying to write in his diary.

Unohana stood smiling in the middle of it, directing. Chaos was orderly, in her hands.

-----------------------

Once, Aizen watched a movie where the librarian-type girl became more attractive after taking off her glasses. Unohana joked with him later that night, but the frames did not leave his nose. 

Another time, Hinamori said that pictures of the squad should show everyone's eyes, and this meant he should take the glasses off, displaying his warm brown eyes. He only smiled.

He knows that the day he takes them off when anyone besides Gin is around is the day he leaves. After all, eyes are windows to the soul. And he can't have anyone knowing what he's truly thinking.

-------------------------

It was widely believed that Byakuya had no sense of humor. This was not true. Byakuya simply did not display it often.

To him, humor was like any other weapon, trained for use when needed only.

On days when Renji dozed off at his desk, for example, all one needed was a handful of cherry petals, tossed with the breeze, to make the vice-captain VERY alert.

And today, even with his chair collapsing and hornets in his desk, Byakuya still wore a small smile. Ichimaru would never expect laxative in his tea. Not on days when Byakuya carefully avoided smirking.

-------------------------

Sometimes Komamura wondered what he had done in his past life to account for how he looked now. And sometimes he wished there was a way to change his height, other than one of Mayuri's disturbing devices. Especially when he hit his head on the doorframe, again. 

At least when he'd worn the mask he didn't get huge bumps. Now, though, he was contemplating going back. Anything to save his swollen and bruised forehead, and to block out the sound of people snickering when he staggered backwards.

In the meantime, he needed an ice pack, and to start considering hats.

------------------------

Irrepressible. Some considered that an insult. Kyoraku Shunsui called it a compliment, and tried to be called irrepressible at least three times a week. 

Nanao-chan was always good for one, as was Jyuu-kun. The third was a random surprise, different each week.

Today, Shunsui decided, he would buy a rose and present it to the first lovely lady that walked by. Then he would flirt with her for the rest of the day or until Nanao found him and beat him over the head with her book and his hat. Whichever happened first.

Secretly, he'd prefer Nanao to find him.

----------------------------

There were chaotic beings in this world, and they needed to be put out of their pain. The world would be better off without them. Or so Tousen told himself. It was justice. 

And yet Kenpachi was still alive. It went against the nature of the world to let such beings live…

Tousen's inner monologue was interrupted as Zaraki grabbed the blind captain's Zanpakutou and bragged about figuring out the trick.

It was at this moment that Tousen vowed to himself not to suffer such creatures to live, ever. From now on, he would hunt down such foul abominations, mercifully.

-------------------------------

Hitsugaya hated captain's meetings. Hated them. He couldn't see Yamamoto from a regular sitting position, because Tousen was in the way. And if he leaned farther forward, his view was blocked by Kyoraku's hat and billowing kimono. How it billowed in a closed room was beyond him. 

Also, when he leaned farther forward, he saw Ichimaru smirk and heard Zaraki snicker. At least Tousen would never notice.

After every meeting, though, Unohana snuck him a watermelon-flavored lollipop, making all this worth it. Hitsugaya returned to his office, chased Matsumoto out for being too noisy for paperwork, and enjoyed in private.

------------------------

There was one problem with fighting against Captains who had Bankai, Kenpachi mused. They relied entirely too much on tricks. Zaraki Kenpachi relied on skill, speed, and strength, and thus was free to enjoy his fights instead of hiding behind darkness or bashing at random. 

He was free to dance the blades; he was strong enough to stand.

One day, he would find his true match. It would be someone who didn't rely on tricks or allies, someone who could defeat Zaraki one-on-one.

On that day, Zaraki Kenpachi would die, but to his way of thinking, he would finally live.

-------------------------

Kurotsuchi Mayuri was at home in his lab. The orderly tools of his trade – vials, tubes, chemicals, and specimens – were a welcome change from the chaos of egos and emotions elsewhere. 

Granted, he had a huge ego himself, and he knew it. But there was a huge difference in demonstrating it through taking on foes in hopes of collecting specimens or bragging about surpassing an exile versus slicing a building in half just because you could and thought it was fun.

All the same, though, the lab felt like home. Others might reject and scorn him, but science never would.

---------------------

Smiling came naturally to Ukitake. He had bad days, true, and his bad days were worse than some people's nightmares. However, he'd learned that life goes more smoothly when you smile. 

This knowledge did not come easily. But Jyuushiro was not easily dissuaded, either.

He set out to be the cause of smiles, so that others could simply feel the warmth of happiness without the burning edge of grief. It didn't always work.

That was fine. At the end of the day, if even one person smiled a bit more, then Ukitake's efforts were worth it, paid back in full.

----------------------

The form of a cat was the perfect choice. Yoruichi considered herself lithe, quick, and graceful, and these were associated with felines. 

She also had a fondness for curling up on windowsills, a task that was a bit difficult in human form. Difficult hadn't stopped her before, though.

There was something about the narrow ledge that led to her falling off, repeatedly. And then she had bruises to explain later.

After three days of work, five sheets of plywood, two-hundred fifty-two nails, a hammer, and an uncountable amount of swearwords, the ledge was extended, and Yoruichi took a much-welcome nap.

-----------------------

Isshin didn't know how to tell his children the right way to live. So he showed them through example. 

To have an industrious and honorable daughter, they need opportunity to work. Karin and Yuzu cooked, cleaned, and helped out in the clinic.

To have a strong son, make sure they can deal with anything. Isshin was proud of the many ways he'd woken Ichigo up, or welcomed Ichigo home. Pitchers, doors, tables, desks, any prop could be utilized in training a strong son. And if this meant Isshin landed in a Quincy-run hospital with fifteen stitches, so much the better.

----------------------

Urahara had a feeling that if he'd had his fan back in Sereitei, he might not now be in exile. It was just a hunch, but there was something about hiding part of your face that made people confused about your intentions. 

Exile wasn't too much of a burden, at least. Yes, he still got homesick, especially when he sent Ichigo and friends into Soul Society. But Earth had potential. Plenty of mischevious potential.

Where else could you create an army of modified souls, plushie and otherwise? Or endlessly tease Quincy?

Karakura Town wasn't paradise, but it was close enough.


	51. Souvenirs

No Spoilers. Zaraki, Yachiru, Ikkaku, Yumichika

* * *

Ikkaku came back from the real world with souvenirs. Specifically, plushie souvenirs.

Zaraki was unimpressed. "It's a stuffed me. With a fabric Zanpakutou. What's it good for, cutting air?"

Yumichika declared them all ugly.

Yachiru seemed oddly enthusiastic. Ikkaku didn't know why until he set his plushie of himself down, and she made a flying leap for it.

"Fukataichou! That one's… hey! Stop chewing on its head! Yumi! Help!" Ikkaku chased Yachiru around the office.

"It can't hurt anything. It's already not beautiful."

"But… Stop! The stuffing's leaking!"

Yachiru giggled as she dashed out of the office and Ikkaku's reach.


	52. Manga

Spoilers for near the end of Soul Society Arc. Byakuya and Renji.

* * *

"What is that?" 

Renji looked up from the book he was reading at his desk. "It's called manga. Got it when I went to the real world."

"I hardly expected you to rea… ah. It's mostly pictures." Byakuya smirked.

Renji was annoyed. "Yeah. This picture is awesome. The one with your butt being kicked by Ichigo."

Byakuya moved faster than Renji's eyes could follow. He grabbed the volume. "What is this?"

"Told you. Manga. It's like, our story, in pictures."

"How…"

"Dunno. But it's fun."

"There are just the books?"

"There's a show too."

"I believe we should research this."


	53. Dear Diary

No Spoilers. Kotetsu Isane, Iemura, Hanatarou

* * *

"He's so sweet," Kotetsu Isane said, watching Hanatarou run errands around the Division.

Iemura looked up from his diary momentarily, then looked back down. "Dear diary. Hanatarou is annoying. Kotetsu-fukataichou clearly does not have any judgment when it comes to men."

Isane raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"She is also hostile for some reason. One might think she could read my mind."

"You know, Hanatarou is probably the manliest person in this entire Division."

"Perhaps she is delusional."

"That's it. Hanatarou!"

Hanatarou stopped in his tracks. "Yes, fukataichou?"

"You, me, dinner. Fancy place by the Fifth."

Hanatarou blushed. "Um. Okay."


	54. Pranks in Sereitei IV

No spoilers. Byakuya, Renji, Gin

* * *

Byakuya froze when the snake slithered up his arm from the desk drawer he'd just reached into. "Renji."

Renji was struggling to keep a straight face. "Need the Fourth again, taichou?"

"Glance up my sleeve, carefully. Tell me what color the red stripes are next to."

"Ichimaru-taichou wouldn't…" Renji paused, staring in the direction of the Third, then gently lifted his Taichou's sleeve. "The red stripes touch yellow."

Byakuya paled slightly. "Red on yellow, kill a fellow. I think I may need the Fourth."

"Has it…"

"Not yet. Go."

Renji ran.

Ichimaru entered the office. "Oops. Always mixin' them up…"


	55. Not Quite Secret Base

Spoilers for episode 112. Ryuuken, Kon

* * *

Ryuuken sighed and looked around the now-empty base. It had taken hours to persuade Isshin that no, he did not want to play, no, this did not mean he was sick and needed a full physical, and no, his headache was not a sign of a brain tumor. 

"That man is incorrigible," he muttered, putting out his cigarette and turning to see a small toy. "You're probably Kisuke's. Demented man…"

"I have nothing to do with that pervert!"

"Right." Ryuuken fixed his glasses, picked up Kon, kidou-bound him to an arrow, and fired towards the Shouten. "Shinigami and their toys…"


	56. Umbrella Wars

No spoilers. Ukitake, Kiyone, Sentarou.

* * *

No sooner had the first drop of rain fallen then Sentarou and Kiyone were lunging for Ukitake's umbrella. 

"I get to hold it this time!" Kiyone stepped on Sentarou's foot.

"You did last time!" Sentarou shoved Kiyone.

"I look better when holding the umbrella! You should just carry papers!"

"I'm better at carrying anything!"

Ukitake pulled two more umbrellas out of his desk. One he handed to Kiyone, the other he held onto as he left the office.

"See? Ukitake-taichou wants me to use the umbrella! He gave me it!"

"He just pities you!"

Ukitake sighed and shook his head.


	57. If You Give Yachiru Coffee

No Spoilers. Ikkaku, Yumichika, Yachiru

* * *

"What's that?" Yachiru watched Ikkaku and Yumichika sleepily sip something from mugs.

"It's called coffee, and tastes ugly." Yumichika frowned at his cup.

"But it wakes you up after a night of partying." Ikkaku sighed and took another sip.

Yachiru made her groggy-face. "I'm tired. I need to wake up."

Ikkaku filled a cup, added sugar and milk, and handed it over.

"Ikkaku, that might not be the smartest… too late now. But if this turns messy, it's not my fault."

"What's the worst that could happen, Yumi?"

The gnaw marks on Ikkaku's head two hours later answered that question.


	58. TMI

Possible spoilers, name dropped of a latter character. Ichigo, Shinji, mentions of others.

* * *

"Where did you get the idea for a stupid reiatsu-draining treadmill, anyways?" Ichigo was taking a break from training.

Shinji glanced at it. "The ex-shinigami guy with a hat. Mentioned it as a past birthday gift idea for a friend."

"A friend?"

"Guy who was sick. Made it so sick guy's lover would be exhausted and stop pestering the sick guy every now and then. Hat-shinigami called him incorrigible. Mentioned he liked incorrigible's taste in hats, though."

Unbidden came images to Ichigo's mind of a smiling Ukitake-taichou and grinning Kyouraku-taichou. "Great. Idiot. I didn't need to know that about them…"


	59. If You Give Yachiru Coffee II

No spoilers. Zaraki, Yachiru

* * *

"It's two in the mornin', Yachiru." He was guessing; he hadn't opened his eyes. But it felt early, and he knew she couldn't read time.

"I can't sleep, Ken-chan."

"What, nightmares? I told you to just kill 'em…"

"I'm not tired. I haven't been tired since baldy gave me that drink."

Zaraki opened his eyes. "What drink?"

"Coffee. With sugar!"

Zaraki wanted more than anything to bury his head in the pillow and ignore this. "Then why are you sittin' on me instead of Ikkaku?"

"His door is locked."

"Break it down. Jump on his back until he cries."

"Okay!"


	60. Pranks in Sereitei V

No spoilers. Tousen, Gin

* * *

Tousen didn't notice the pole on each side of his futon when he went to bed. He had no reason to suspect anything; Gin hadn't dropped by that day.

He didn't wake up and notice when his bed started being carefully and gently moved by two people.

He still didn't notice when he was placed on the ground right beside a shallow lake in Rukongai District Seven.

But when Gin bent close to his ear and yelled "Good morning, Tousen-taichou!" before fleeing back to Sereitei with Kira right behind him, Kaname did indeed notice.

He also suddenly noticed the water.


	61. Dead Man Driving

No Spoilers. Renji, Ichigo.

* * *

Renji considered the long pink car parked in front of the Kurosaki clinic before glancing at Ichigo. "We should get a car. We could drive to Hollows…"

Ichigo, pretending to be stick-thin as he tried to hide behind a telephone pole for unexplained reasons, snorted. "It's faster to jump roofs. And you can't get a license."

"Bet I could. How hard can it be?"

"You're dead. They don't give licenses to dead people."

"Why not? They think dead people don't want to drive?"

"Dead people normally can't."

"Huh." Renji's brows furrowed. "Yeah, I guess they can't. Would probably be difficult."


	62. Dramatic Entrance

Spoilers for father than the anime is yet, Manga chapter 246. Ichigo, Ishida, Chad, Renji, Rukia

* * *

"Our entrance needs to be cool." Renji ran beside Ichigo, towards the castle.

"It's automatically cool. I have a cape." Uryuu smirked.

Chad nodded.

Rukia rolled her eyes. "Can we just rescue Orihime and not worry about entrances?"

"We're the heroes! We need to enter dramatically."

"We entered Soul Society dramatically. Falling. With explosions. I've had enough of dramatic entrances." Uryuu adjusted his glasses.

Ichigo pouted.

Chad shook his head.

Uryuu sighed. "Let's just go in and rescue Inoue-san."

Renji frowned. "But I want to look cool!"

"Then you shouldn't have become a Shinigami. All Shinigami automatically look like idiots."


	63. A Woman of Action

Spoilers for Soul Society arc. Kuukaku, Ganju.

* * *

Sometimes Kuukaku got moody. Today was one of those days. She'd formally petitioned Yamamoto Old-man-with-big-stick-up-butt to allow her to join in the war against Aizen, and a messenger had just handed her a formal rejection message.

She'd bared her soul in a way she hadn't even to Ganju or Yoruichi, explaining how Aizen was directly at fault for her brother's death, and Mr. Senile Moron had dismissed her out of hand.

Fine.

Not like she'd listened to him ever before.

"Ganju! Get the twins! We're gonna go play."

"Please let me survive yet another one of her plans," muttered Ganju.


	64. Little Crush

Mild Bount Arc spoilers. Ririn, Cloud, Nova, Ichigo

* * *

"Ichigo hasn't visited the shop in two days." Ririn's plush shoulders drooped.

Nova patted her back.

"It's not like I like him! He's annoying! And loud, and arrogant, and doesn't know how useful modsouls are!"

Nova nodded.

Cloud suppressed a chuckle and hid his grin with his ears.

"It's just that… just… um…"

Cloud started to shake from amusement. Luckily Ririn was staring at her toes.

Ichigo came around the corner. "Urahara in?"

Ririn jumped up. "Yes! I can show you!"

"I'll find him." Ichigo walked away.

Ririn pouted, then glared at Nova and Cloud. "I really do hate him."


	65. Matsumoto's Mood

No spoilers. Matsumoto, Hitsugaya

* * *

Life, for Matsumoto, was simple. Her mood depended on the setting.

For instance, in the office, there were only two driving thoughts in her head – she hated paperwork, and her Captain was cute when he was angry.

Much to her endless delight, the two things worked together.

Upon finding her paperwork hidden in various places, the cushion of his chair, for instance, Hitsugaya would whirl around, fix her with a glare, and growl her name.

Luckily, he didn't know why she smiled when he did that, or that she wanted to pinch his cheeks.

Otherwise, she'd be frozen by now.


	66. Purple is for Sissies

No spoilers. Ikkaku and Yumichika

* * *

Ikkaku hated shopping. Yumichika loved shopping.

Therefore, the pair was out shopping.

"You really do need a new futon, Ikkaku. I saw the state of yours a couple of days ago. Highly distasteful."

"Not my fault. Captain sent Yachiru in one night to jump on me. I thought I was under attack and fought. She broke my wrist and almost destroyed my futon…"

Yumichika grinned, sweeping the pair into a futon shop. "Lavender is a relaxing color and scent. You could completely redecorate—"

"Ain't gonna have a purple one. Purple's for sissies."

"Kurotsuchi-taichou's scarf is purple."

"That's my point."


	67. Eyepatch Club

Sort-of spoilers for the Hueco Mundo arc, but if you know who it's talking about, you already know... Kenpachi, Yachiru.

* * *

Zaraki Kenpachi looked through his e-mail. "Don't need to be bigger, thanks. Can't read German, so why send me trash in it? Yeah, yeah, I can save money on my insurance. But I bet they don't insure dead people… aha!"

Yachiru climbed onto his shoulder. "What is it?"

"Some guy started up an eye-patch club. We write emails about being tough and the coolness of eye-patches."

"And fighting?"

"And fighting. Seems he's been having some fun where he's at. Heh. But he can't find a good challenge."

"You should fight him!"

"Yeah. I'll write back and suggest that. Good idea."


	68. Eyepatch Club II

Spoilers for chapter 297 of the manga. I lost a bet, the other person requested a sequel to Eyepatch Club. Kenpachi, Ichigo.

* * *

Upon discovering that the other eye-patch-wearing maniac was in Hueco Mundo, Zaraki packed up his Zanpakutou, grabbed a small scarf for Yachiru and a large one for himself, and was off. He sent hell butterflies to Ukitake and Kyouraku in case they wanted to join in ignoring Yamamoto too, but he didn't much care.

He arrived to see Ichigo fighting the eye-patch-wearing Arrancar, and losing. Zaraki was content to sit back and watch until he realized that if the Arrancar killed Ichigo, Kenpachi couldn't.

Kenpachi, sighing, saved Ichigo. "Idiot. Can't even stay alive for me… This is my fight now."


	69. Paperwork Squad

Spoilers for the Soul Society Arc. Kira and Hisagi.

* * *

Kira walked into the blizzard of paperwork that was the Ninth. Ever since Tousen's departure, Hisagi had been overwhelmed with work. Kira knew the feeling.

"Hey. We should get a drink."

Hisagi didn't seem to notice Kira, peering at another sheet.

"Abarai, Madarame, and Ayasegawa are gonna be at the Sheathed Zanpakutou Pub tonight. We should join them."

Hisagi looked up. "What?"

"You need a break from this. You're doing too much."

"Oh." Hisagi looked at the mess.

"Why is the Ninth in charge of organizing paperwork, anyways?"

"It always has been."

Kira frowned. "They put the blind guy—"

"Yes."


	70. Watermelon Flavored Revenge

No spoilers. Hitsugaya and Matsumoto.

* * *

Hitsugaya had lost his voice. He wasn't that surprised; he'd spent two hours loudly getting after Matsumoto yesterday. But this made things difficult. 

"I'm leaving now, Captain!" Matsumoto waved and flounced out.

He frantically pointed at the clock, since she was leaving three hours early. Hitsugaya's eye twitched at the sound of her giggling

Hitsugaya glared at her departing back before grabbing notepad and pen. Fifteen minutes later Matsumoto's desk was decorated with all of the office paperwork and very colorful language describing her heritage.

Smirking, Hitsugaya sucked on a throat drop and headed out. He deserved a break too.


	71. Stalking's Reward

No Spoilers. Yachiru, Byakuya.

* * *

Yachiru peered into Kuchiki's dining room window. She knew he could see her, but he was pretending not to. She continued staring, knowing that he'd eventually break down.

Kuchiki sighed and tried to ignore the pink demon. He knew why she was here; it was the day after Halloween, and thus there was leftover candy. How long he ignored her needed precision. Otherwise, she'd attack his house. Again.

Yachiru bounced, fidgety.

At last, she charged in and Byakuya tossed the candy with perfect timing. The two collided.

Yachiru, udaunted by the small concussion, gleefully ran off to torture Ukitake next.


	72. Pranks in Sereitei VI

No spoilers. Ichimaru, Kurotsuchi, Unohana.

* * *

"Kurotsuchi. Can ya make Kira an injured gigai that ain't gonna heal?"

Mayuri knew it was pointless to ask Gin 'why' when he dropped by with a random question like this. "Of course. Who do you take me for, my predecessor?"

Gin grinned. "When can I get it?"

Two weeks later, part of the Fourth squad was sent out to heal Kira after an 'accident.' Healer after healer dropped from exhaustion as they worked. It was fun to watch their determination and dedication fade from shaking limbs.

"ICHIMARU GIN!"

He'd forgotten what Unohana was like when she was mad, though.


	73. Gadgets and Widgets

No substantial spoilers. Kisuke, Yoruichi.

* * *

"Kisuke, you don't have to—"

"If Yamamoto is going to give me an order, I intend to show him that he's still underestimating me. Please pass me the yellow gadget."

Yoruichi sighed, handing it over, being careful not to trigger it. Even she didn't know what half of these things did.

"He said three months. It'll be ready in one week."

"But…"

"Mayuri thinks himself a genius, a Captain. We'll see. Green widget now, please?"

"It better not bite me this time."

"That was different."

Yoruichi passed it. Kisuke made an adjustment. The widget exploded.

"Oops. Make that one month…"


	74. Stupid Plan

Spoilers for manga chapter 298, the best chapter yet, in my opinion. Ichigo, Zaraki.

* * *

It was bad enough being kicked across a room by your own father. When a Captain showed up and did it, though, it was far more frustrating.

"Freaking idiot. I'll kill him." Ichigo glared at Zaraki who was occupied with fighting Nnoitra.

"You better heal and try," roared Kenpachi.

"I will! And I'll beat you! And kill you!"

"You said that already!" Kenpachi blocked another swing from Nnoitra and slashed back. "Of course, you can't even stand. Idiot, gettin' yourself cut up so bad…"

"It wasn't part of the plan!"

"Obviously. Otherwise your plan would have been even more stupid."


	75. Unexpected Visitors

Spoilers for episode 112. Isshin, Zaraki, Byakuya, Unohana, Mayuri.

* * *

Normally Kurosaki Isshin was overjoyed to have company. He'd cheer, kick Ichigo through walls, and otherwise cavort.

But when the visitors were Shinigami he recognized in gigai, lost and trying to find the Urahara Shouten, Isshin felt a bit uncomfortable.

He did the best he could. He put on his brightest, most blinding Hawaiian print, turned up the sappiest music he could, and played over-excited idiot. Ryuuken always said it was the role Isshin was born for.

Sure enough, they left quickly. Kuchiki was silent, Zaraki anticipatory. Unohana smiled, knowingly.

Kurotsuchi muttered about idiot apples falling close to idiot trees.


	76. Ugly Hat

Spoilers for manga chapter 298, inspired by Viashino Wizard's review. Ishida Uryuu, Renji, Kurotsuchi Mayuri.

* * *

Laughing hurt. Laughing hurt excruciatingly. Unfortunately, it was all Ishida Uryuu could do at seeing Kurotsuchi Mayuri's new hat. Last time, Kurotsuchi seemed creepy. Now he looked like a wannabe Egyptian clown.

Renji snickered. "Something died on his head!" He groaned as his rolling knocked him onto an injured limb.

Mayuri drew himself up. "I'll have you know that this is the result of a month's work experimenting with the flow of reiatsu. It is effective—"

"It is garish." Ishida smirked. "No self-respecting anything would wear that."

Renji couldn't stop laughing. "Hey, he outdid Urahara-san in something! Ugly hats!"


	77. Size

Spoilers in a way, because it helps to be familiar with chapter 298 to know what's happening here. Zaraki, Yachiru, Shunsui, Ukitake, Byakuya, Hitsugaya, Unohana, SoiFon.

* * *

Yachiru was puzzled. "But why can't Ken-chan fit in the hole?"

Shunsui grinned. "He's too… big."

Zaraki glared.

Ukitake snickered and tried not to cough.

Byakuya shifted uncomfortably.

Zaraki glared at him too.

"But—"

"But nothin'. If you want to come, hush."

Yachiru pouted at Zaraki.

Hitsugaya rolled his eyes. "How immature."

"Says the one that ain't big yet," muttered Kenpachi.

Yachiru frowned. "But he's a captain too!"

SoiFon smirked. "He's not an adult captain."

"Have Zaraki explain. He is, after all, your father figure." Unohana smiled.

"You all suck." Zaraki stalked out as the meeting exploded into laughter.


	78. Training

No substantial spoilers. Kisuke, Keigo, Mizuiro, Tatsuki, Ririn, Cloud, Nova.

* * *

"I have work to do," Urahara explained. "Otherwise I'd train you. However, these three can help you begin." He handed a turtle to Tatsuki, a bird to Keigo, and a bunny to Mizuiro.

Keigo snorted. "He gave you a purse!"

"What are toys going to do?" Tatsuki held hers upside down.

Kisuke smiled. "I'm sure you'll find out."

And so they had. Once the bunny and bird started talking, they didn't stop.

"You're stupider than the fairy-girl." Ririn glared at Keigo, who'd blasted his shoe into her head.

"I miss her." Cloud pouted.

Tatsuki was glad to have quiet Nova.


	79. Mauve and Fuschia

No spoilers. Zaraki, Yumichika, Ikkaku, Yachiru.

* * *

"Yeah, but I need somethin' mauve—" It was out of his mouth before Zaraki could stop it, and his eyes widened.

Yumichika sparkled. "You're right! Mauve would look perfect there!"

Ikakku's jaw dropped. "What the… what..."

Zaraki couldn't meet Ikkaku's eyes, didn't want to look at Yumichika.

"What's wrong?" Yachiru was oblivious, playing with her lollipop.

"Nothing." Yumichika grinned. "The Captain's been listening to me!"

"I ain't. You just yammer too much. Words are bound to come out that don't belong when you're all atwitter about colors and crap."

"Just wait, Captain! I'll have you talking about fuschia tomorrow!"


	80. Preparing for War

No spoilers. Yamamoto, Sasakibe

* * *

Training was an essential part of a Captain's life, especially in this time of war, and even more so for Head Captain Yamamoto.

But one needed more than physical prowess to win a battle or a war, so Yamamoto turned to the oldest of traditions, games.

There was an art to the games he played. Strategy and analysis were crucial, especially when he played against his Vice-Captain Sasakibe.

Indeed, every turn required skill and thought and careful consideration of his opponent's last turns.

Yamamoto frowned. "Hmm. How about… Do you have any dolphins?"

Sasakibe grinned in triumph. "No. Go fish."


	81. The Undead

No spoilers. Orihime, Ichigo, Tatsuki, Ishida, Yumichika.

* * *

Orihime frowned, puzzled. "So if Shinigami are dead but they're still moving around, does that mean they're zombies?"

Ichigo glanced at Hitsugaya. "Um. Some of them are angry enough to be undead…"

"But they don't lurch." Tatsuki pointed at Matsumoto, who was slinking up to her Captain.

Orihime blinked. "Zombies lurch? I thought they just ate brains. Are they—"

Ishida resisted the urge to smack his forehead. "They're not going to eat our brains. We don't have to worry."

"But what if they try? Madarame-san looks like he might eat brains."

Yumichika grinned. "Inoue-san, you'd have nothing to fear."


	82. Pranks in Sereitei VII

No spoilers. Tousen, Gin. Today, November 13th, is Tousen's birthday.

* * *

Tousen was nervous. It was already late evening on his birthday, and Gin had done nothing.

Tousen poked his birthday cake, and waited for something to jump out and try to eat him. When nothing happened, he lit his candles carefully with fire kidou. Still nothing happened.

"Happy birthday to me." He blew out the candles. They relit and shot sparks. He blew them out again. They began launching fireballs. His house burst into flames.

Dashing outside, Tousen ran into Gin.

"Didn't want ya to be alone, forgotten on yer birthday." Gin strolled away.

Tousen repressed the urge to cry.


	83. Wake Up Call

No spoilers. Ichigo, Isshin

* * *

"Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiichiiiiiiiiiigoooooooooo!"

If the voice wasn't enough, the foot headed towards Ichigo's head did the trick of getting him out of bed. He dodged, tempted to use Shunpo one of these days and see what his old man thought then. "Don't you get tired of that?"

"Excellent reflexes!" Isshin wore his blinding orange shirt with green giraffes. Karen bought it for him last Christmas, betting that even Isshin wouldn't wear it.

"I have an alarm clock, you know."

"But it doesn't train you! Now if it attacked, that would be interesting…"

"Sometimes, you remind me of someone else old and annoying."


	84. Insane

Spoilers for Hueco Mundo arc. Grimmjow, Kenpachi, Yachiru.

* * *

"It's a big kitty to fight!"

A small pink thing was looking at Grimmjow as he tried to nurse his wounds. "What the heck are you? Someone let Szayel Apollo spawn?"

The pink thing grinned. "Ken-chan, can I fight him?"

One of the Shinigami walked over and eyed Grimmjow. "He's hurt. He ain't gonna be any sort of fight."

Pink-thing pouted. "But I wanted a battle. Everyone else gets one…"

"Next time I'll make sure you get a good fight."

Pink-thing leaped onto Ken-chan's back. "You're the best, Ken-chan!" They left.

Grimmjow was left staring. "Insane. All Shinigami are insane…"


	85. Good Wink, Bad Wink

No spoilers. Zaraki, Yumichika, Shunsui, Matsumoto.

* * *

Up until this point, Zaraki's birthday party had been great. He'd sparred with Kyouraku, lost count of how many little glasses of sake he'd had, and Matsumoto gave him an over-long hug with a slow wink. He'd been having the time of his life, and then Yumichika brought a box over.

There was a bow on that box. It was… a color he wasn't going to say, bright and sparkly and huge. Then there was the wrapping paper with peacocks. Add to that Yumichika's huge smile and fruity wink…

For the first time in his life, Zaraki Kenpachi was scared.


	86. Small Annoyances

No spoilers. Kenpachi, Yachiru, Don Kanonji

* * *

"That way!" Yachiru pointed happily, and Kenpachi charged onward. The Urahara Shouten had to be around here somewhere. He bumped a guy and turned around, surprised. Kenpachi had felt reiatsu. 

"Bad SPIRITSU!"

"Huh? Bah. He's nothing." Kenpachi turned to go and was hit in the back with a winged cane. "What the…"

"I, Don Kanonji, Medium of—"

"I don't need to know your name. Get lost. You ain't worth my time."

"I will send you to your rest!" The man dashed in front of Zaraki.

Kenpachi got slightly too much satisfaction from kicking the man out of the way.


	87. Arrancar Dynamics

Minor Hueco Mundo arc spoiler. Grimmjow, Ulquiorra

* * *

"I think you smeared your eyeliner again." Grimmjow smirked.

Ulquiorra glared. "As you are fully aware, this is not—"

"So what look are you going for today? Saddest clown? Emo clown? Emo shark?"

"Shut the… Emo shark? What are you on this time?"

"The one horn standing up and all. Looks like a fin. Emo shark. I think Ichimaru got you a Linkin Park CD for Christmas."

"He said it was AF… this conversation is ridiculous. I'm leaving."

"Aw, are you gonna mope now?"

"I'm going to kill you." The Fourth Espada drew his Zanpakutou.

The Sexta Kitty bolted.


	88. Fun with Drunks

No Spoilers. Nanao, Matsumoto.

* * *

Nanao was surprised to find a drunken Matsumoto outside of her door. Normally a different drunk was caterwauling by Nanao's window. She untangled Matsumoto from two chairs and a candlestick. 

"You should know better…" Frowning, Nanao hefted Matsumoto up to get her home.

"He has... shoes. Big."

"Fancy that. Please stop drooling on me."

"Make a woman happy…"

"I wish you'd stop trying to set me up, especially when you're drunk."

"So big…"

"Yes. You said that."

"Tried to grope him. Missed."

"Too bad. Kyouraku-taichou probably would have liked that."

"Not him. Zaraki."

Nanao blinked. "Death wish much?"

Matsumoto giggled.


	89. Apricots

Spoilers for episode 112. Kisuke, Isshin, Ryuuken

* * *

Kisuke arrived in time to see Ryuuken defeat the Hollow before Isshin.

Ryuuken smirked. "Shinigami. So slow…"

Both Shinigami watched him leave.

Isshin grinned. "He hates the smell of apricots, you know."

Kisuke flipped his fan open. "Does he? I happen to have an excellent method of scenting an entire house."

"Just happen to have it?"

"I just happen to have a great number of oh-so-useful items. It's possible that with my supplies, one could single-handedly take on Hueco Mundo."

"Not like you're planning anything like that."

"Me? Never. Maybe tomorrow. Today, though, we have a Quincy to attend to."


	90. The Strong Silent Type

No real spoilers. Chad, Karin, Hitsugaya, Nova.

* * *

Karin sat on the front porch of the Kurosaki Clinic, glaring at the sidewalk. Hitsugaya sat not too far away, staring at the sky.

Chad walked up, looked at them both. A turtle peeked over his shoulder. Karin and Hitsugaya looked at Chad.

Chad raised an eyebrow. Karin pointed up, towards Ichigo's room, where his reiatsu was easy to feel. Chad nodded, bowed, and went inside. The turtle dropped off his back sat next to Karin. She poked the plushie and glanced over at Hitsugaya. He didn't react.

She returned to glaring at the sidewalk. Hitsugaya resumed studying the clouds.


	91. Pranks in Sereitei VIII

No Spoilers. Gin, Tousen, Kira, Hisagi

* * *

Gin eyed the white liquid Kira brought back from the living world. "An' this fixes mistakes?"

"Yes, Captain. Um. You put it on them, and, um, they're hidden. Yes."

"Covers anythin'?"

"Um. Yes."

For two hours Gin was absent from the office. He returned at last, humming.

It wasn't until the next day that Kira saw Tousen-taichou's haori. He froze in his tracks, seeing the Ninth Squad symbol covered over by White-out, and an onigiri drawn in marker in its place.

Tousen walked on, oblivious to everything.

Hisagi looked like he was about to cry.

Kira knew Gin was grinning.


	92. Looking after Kurosakis

Spoilers for episode 112. Isshin, Ryuuken.

* * *

Isshin crouched behind a bush, watching Karin fight a Hollow. She finished and left. He stood up, groaning.

"Getting a little old to play in the bushes?" Ryuuken leaned against a tree.

"It's the gigai."

"That's what they all say."

Isshin grinned. "I can show you how I'm not old!"

"I'll pass, thanks." Ryuuken turned to go.

"Hey! Why were you watching my daughter?"

"I wasn't. I simply wondered about the newest reiatsu in Karakura."

"Aww, is Ryuu-kun looking after my daughter?"

"I would never look after a Kurosaki."

"You fixed my ankle!"

"Too bad nothing can fix your head."


	93. Arrancar Dynamics II

Minor spoilers for Grimmjow's release form. Nnoitra, Szayel

* * *

"Your technique sucks. You leave yourself open too much." Nnoitra glared at his sparring partner. It wasn't that he was angry; he simply only had two ways to look at people: glare and leer.

"It's not like you can hit me. I've already analyzed your abilities a thousand times over." Szayel flounced over to perch on a nearby rock. He wasn't upset either. He only had one way to walk.

"Yeah, but if you fight anyone else you'd be vulnerable."

"If Grimmjow pounces again, you mean? I've fixed that problem."

"Not possible."

"Very possible. I gave him twenty-nine catnip-filled mousies."


	94. Concussed

"I fell down the stairs." Hitsugaya glared at Matsumoto.

"The stairs?" Unohana examined Hitsugaya's bleeding scalp. "A minor concussion from falling down five steps?"

Matsumoto grinned. "Maybe he's clumsy from a growth spurt? My little Taichou is hitting puberty?"

His hand clenched Hyourinmaru convulsively.

Unohana chuckled and winked at Matsumoto. "Could be." She quickly healed Hitsugaya.

He stalked out of the Fourth. "I swear, Matsumoto, if you ever—"

"What? Tell the truth? That your face ended up in my chest and you bolted and blushed and ran headlong into your own desk?"

"My head hurts."

"I can kiss—"

Hitsugaya bolted.


	95. A Kurosaki Christmas

No spoilers. Isshin, Karen, and Ichigo.

* * *

Every Christmas, Karen bought two presents for her father. One was some high-tech toy. The other was always a piece of clothing she didn't think he'd wear.

This year, it was a pair of pink high heels.

"These damage ankles, Karen-chan." Isshin frowned.

She grinned. "Which is why you won't wear them."

"Really? Next time your little friend comes over, then."

Karen froze. "Little friend?"

"The grumpy one. White-spiked hair."

Ichigo's eyes went wide. "Toshiro? How—"

"Shut up."

"Are you—"

And so the first Kurosaki Christmas Fist Fight of the year broke out. It wouldn't be the last.


	96. Party, Old School Style

No spoilers. Tessai, Shunsui, Jyuushirou, Hanatarou, Yumichika, Yoruichi, Kisuke. December 31st happens to be Kisuke's birthday. :)

A happy New Year to you all.

* * *

Tessai hastily stuck another tray of cookies in the oven.

Somewhere in Sereitei, Shunsui and Jyuushirou were sake-hunting; Hanatarou and Yumichika were cake-making.

Yoruichi and Kisuke were busy with their fourth cookie-dough food fight. Tessai hoped to sneak more dough from them for cookie making soon.

But at the end of the day, at the end of the year, when the Old Crew got together to celebrate Kisuke's birthday, the dough dripping down into Tessai's hair would be worth it.

It better be.

Otherwise, Tessai would kidou-bind Yoruichi and Kisuke and force-feed them three dozen Mr. Happy Face cookies each.


	97. Wii!

No real spoilers. Aizen and Gin. Inspired by a fanart seen on CapslockBleach on livejournal.

* * *

For the fifth time in thirty minutes, Ichimaru whapped Aizen in the face with a Wiimote. 

"Oops! Sorry, Aizen-sama. I jus' get a bit carried away with fishin'…"

"And boxing. And baseball. And target shooting. And cow racing."

"Yeah… don't like to lose, ya know."

Aizen rubbed his nose. "Why don't you play with someone else for a bit?"

"They stopped playin' with me. Somethin' about concussions. Dunno what they could mean. We could play table tennis instead…"

Aizen sighed. "Fine. But don't hit me again."

"Okay!"

Seven minutes later, Aizen was rubbing his nose for the sixth time.

"Oops."


	98. Spelling Games

No spoilers. Yachiru, Ikkaku, Yumichika

* * *

Yachiru poked her English-language alphabet cookies. "Feather-brow, there anything I can spell with Q, I, and T?"

Ikkaku grinned. "Yeah! You can spell quit!"

Yumichika rolled his eyes. "No, you'd need a U for that word."

"No, I don't hear a U. It's quit, not 'qwee-it.'"

"You're an idiot. No, fukataichou, that doesn't spell anything."

Ikkaku glared at Yumichika. "Well you're… you're… gay!"

Yumichika snorted. "Oh well spotted, Sherlock. Did you need Watson to help figure that one out?"

"My name's Ikkaku, not Sherlock. Who the heck is Watson? I don't get it."

Yumichika sparkled. "I didn't think you would."


	99. Souped Up

No spoilers. Ukitake, Sentarou, Kiyone

* * *

Ukitake was trying to rest according to Unohana's orders when Sentarou and Kiyone burst into his room. 

Sentarou elbowed Kiyone "Ukitake-taichou! I brought soup! Miso!"

"I brought something better! Rice gruel!" Kiyone beamed, offering her bowl.

"How's that supposed to help the Captain?"

"Isane eats it all the time, and she's in the Fourth!"

"It's bad for you!"

Kiyone shoved Sentarou. "Isane's in the Fourth!"

"You said that already!" He shoved back.

Ukitake watched silently as the shoving slowly tipped the bowls. Inevitably, they spilled on their bearers' feet.

Jyuushiro tried not to laugh as the two hopped out, yelping.


	100. The Fukataichou's Badge

Thank you, those who have reviewed. :D Here's another 'mile marker' set of drabbles, 14 in this one. :)

Disclaimers:

Bleach does not belong to me, nor do its characters. They belong to Tite Kubo.

MarioKart, and the characters and items within, also do not belong to me. They belong to Nintendo.

The punchline of Omaeda's drabble is related to a line from a rather popular Monty Python sketch, and that doesn't belong to me either.

* * *

Once upon a time, there was a game that made addicts of each and every fukataichou in Soul Society. It captured their minds, hearts, and energy. Their meetings became mere excuses to try to beat each other, and claim bragging rights. The battle grounds were marked with devastation from turtle shells and lightning bolts, stars and banana peels. 

The game: MarioKart Double Dash.

The place: Hisagi's apartment.

These are the stories of their bravery and struggles, of vicious conflicts, heart-rending speeches upon loss…

Oh, forget it. Giant monkeys, giggling princesses, and baby Luigi. Those are what this story is about.

* * *

Sasakibe was not entirely sure why he allowed the weekly fukataichou meeting to change formats from actual meeting to a vicious game. There was little elegance or precision to this game. Hurling objects was not his style. 

The unpredictable nature of thrown projectiles irked him. There was nothing quite so frustrating as lining up a green turtle shell, figuring out where his opponent would be, and firing, only to have it rebound randomly off the wall and strike him instead.

However, the thrill of adrenaline from racing a blue turtle shell across the finish line sold him on the game.

* * *

Omaeda had an affinity for spiked objects. The spikier, the better, in his books. That's why he always used 'the giant spiked turtle monster' when they played MarioKart, no matter how many times Hisagi told him the guy's name was Bowser. 

There was something very satisfying about hurling gigantic spiked shells at his opponents, especially when they got squished multiple times.

He also enjoyed lightning bolts, because it meant he could run over and crush anyone in his path.

Size mattered most to him. And spikes. Size and spikes mattered most. And winning. Size and spikes and winning mattered most.

* * *

Kira was not polite when racing. 

His demure 'boku' became a harsh 'ore.' His shy half-smile transformed into gleeful, leaping-around triumph when he won a heat. He'd argue with Omaeda whether to use 100 or 150cc, debate about the best specials, laugh at Matsumoto's princesses, and cheer when someone else blew up.

Kira raced with Luigi and Waluigi, and told everyone that would listen that they were really one person, just changing guises based on surroundings. No one paid attention. He didn't mind, simply smiling with his eyes as he selected the pair. Sometimes, after winning, Kira hugged his controller.

* * *

In Isane's dreams, whenever she was attacked by food, eggs would fly in to rescue her. This comforted her on nights when Unohana wasn't awake on the rooftop, and this was the reason she used Birdo every time she played. 

Of course, she didn't tell anyone this.

The others were informed that Birdo represented help and danger, because you never knew what three items would come from the eggs, and this was a perfect representation of why they shouldn't look down on the Fourth.

She took great pleasure in egging Renji whether he was in front of her or behind.

* * *

Hinamori did a perfect Toadette impression whenever she got a golden mushroom. She bounced on her heels and grinned while speeding past her opponents. And then she'd apologize, and speed past more. 

She'd giggle when someone hit one of her banana peels, and apologize. She asked forgiveness before using lightning, but her eyes would sparkle.

When Hinamori won, which she did surprisingly often, she'd beg forgiveness.

Once, Matsumoto took Toad and Toadette. The rest of the day, Hinamori stayed behind Matsumoto, pegging Matsumoto with every item she got.

Since then, no one else has tried to take them from Hinamori.

* * *

At first glance, Renji and Yoshi weren't a logical pair. 

But then Renji yelled "Howl, Zabimaru" every time Yoshi's tongue extended, and it started to make sense.

He chanted random kidou spells when using lightning and turtle shells, announced gifts from the baboon-monkey when dropping banana peels, and made 'vroom, vroom' noises as he aimed for Iba whenever star-protected. In short, Renji was easily the noisiest player.

Yoshi, when too close to another character, automatically lashed out with his tongue and hit them more often than not. He was the most obnoxious character.

Renji and Yoshi were a perfect match.

* * *

Iba played MarioKart with his shades on. They didn't hide his smirk whenever anyone hit a giant banana peel left behind by Donkey Kong. Or when he aimed the banana-crate car at Renji while using a star. 

They couldn't hide the way he frowned when he fell off of the Rainbow Road, either. Or when Kira blew him up with a bob-omb.

He didn't wear them to hide, in fact. He wore them to look cool.

Granted, looking cool was difficult when careening a giant monkey down a steep mountain's slope.

But the shades did the trick.

Iba looked cool.

* * *

Every time someone hit or was blown up by something Bowser Jr. dropped, there was a loud evil giggle on screen and a silent evil giggle bubbling in Nanao. 

This game was her only way to get out her frustration, and huge spiked shells worked perfectly. Stuck with all of the paperwork again? Red-turtle-shell Sasakibe, who set the deadlines for handing it in. Tired of over-the-top flirtation? Shove Renji off the Donkey Kong Country bridge. Weary of dealing with a hung-over Captain? Star-power through Yachiru who encouraged Kyouraku to drink with her Ken-chan.

It was evil, and Nanao loved it.

* * *

Hisagi considered himself to be a hero, someone who rose against adversity to save the day. He liked to play with Mario. Of course, he told everyone he just liked the fire and flames. 

(Renji called him the Flamer Racer. Hisagi set Renji's butt on fire every chance he got.)

At first, Hisagi had been gallant, trying not to hit the females. The he realized the most lethal MarioKart combatants were Hinamori and Yachiru, and stopped holding back. It didn't help; he lost most of the time.

But he pretended he saved the day when crossing the finish line, anyways.

* * *

It was no secret that Matsumoto was very feminine, so it came as no surprise that she tended to use the princesses. It also was no secret that she was fond of manipulating men. She hadn't expected, though, that her cries of "you just took out two helpless women!" were often met with snickers and more weapons. 

She won the least out of the fukataichous, but she liked to point out that she had more fun.

The others conceded the point. After all, her normal eighth place meant that she got more lightning and chances to squish than anyone else.

* * *

Dangerous things come in small packages. Case in point: Yachiru. 

The others were ashamed to use Baby Mario and Baby Luigi in a baby carriage. They were soon even more ashamed when they got plowed over by said infants.

She would echo the character's baby talk when crossing the finish line.

Some had started to flinch whenever she said "Baby Luigi number not one," because it meant someone was doomed next race.

The opposite, "Woohoo! Baby Mario win!" galvanized the others into foolishly racing towards their aforementioned doom.

Whatever the outcome, Yachiru simply enjoyed an excuse to blow things up.

* * *

Freaky. That was often the first word to come to mind when someone mentioned Nemu. It also fit Piranha Pete and King Boo, the two characters Nemu liked to rampage pell-mell through the courses with. 

She wasn't very reliant on items, focusing instead on the largeness of her characters to get her to the finish line. Though she admitted the fact that Boo and Pete could get every characters' special item was very twelfth-division-ish.

What freaked some out, though, was how she referred to them as specimens when racing. This was why she was the most blown-up fukataichou in game.

* * *

In every race, every heat, someone picked Diddy Kong as their second character. It didn't matter who selected him, but that he was there. It wasn't just that Kaien had preferred Diddy; the impish smile reminded many of him. 

Of course, nostalgia wasn't the only reason people symbolically kept Kaien around. It also meant that if they got turtle-shelled, or star-powered-through, they could guilt-trip the other. Commonly heard was "You just knocked Kaien off the track!"

This was ritual, though, and always met with a smile. And often another weapon. Because Kaien had always known it was just a game.


	101. Prompt: Snake Eyes

Minor spoilers for Hueco Mundo arc (name dropping.) Tousen, Aizen.

A friend and I are now doing a 100-prompt challenge, her with icons, me with drabbles. The titles will be the prompt word/phrase. :)

* * *

Tousen frowned. "Furthermore, Gin is making Wonderwice… unsettled. Again. I don't know if he's threatened Wonderwi—" 

"Gin doesn't need to threaten." Aizen smiled. "His eyes do that for him."

Kaname considered this. "Eyes threaten?"

Aizen felt a headache coming. "His are… reptilian."

"Like snake eyes? What does that have to do with anything?"

Thankfully, Aizen didn't have to repress rolling his own eyes. "It's the shape and colo—" Too late. He'd said the wrong word.

"In other words, something I wouldn't understand. Fine." Tousen stalked out.

At least Gin would snicker when Aizen told him the story later.


	102. Of Fears and Devastation

No spoilers. Yamamoto, Sasakibe. There is a Komodo dragon loose in Lae City, Papua New Guinea, right now. I let this distract me from my challenge..

* * *

Yamamoto wasn't sure he'd heard right. "There's what loose in Sereitei?"

Sasakibe frowned, looking at the hastily-scrawled report. "Komodo dragon. Apparently someone thought it would be a good pet."

"What is a Komodo dragon?"

Sasakibe hesitated. He knew the one thing that Yamamoto was afraid of. "A giant… lizard."

Yamamoto sat very still for a moment. "Assign the Eleventh to it."

An eyebrow quirked upward. "Sir? There will be heavy damage to nearby build—"

"I don't care. Have the Eleventh kill it. Now. Tell them it's a worthy opponent. Ikkaku's gullible, at the very least. Just do it now."


	103. Prompt: Blackmail

No spoilers. Byakuya and Rukia.

* * *

"But, niisan, Ukitake-taichou gave me the week off already!" 

Byakuya looked up from his cup of tea. "No. I neither like the Kurosaki boy, nor trust Urahara-san. I do not want you 'hanging out' in the living world. You have duties."

"And you have Mr. Chappy, your old stuffed bunny."

The look he gave her would've stopped ninety percent of Sereitei dead in their tracks.

It didn't faze her. "All I have to do is tell Renji…"

"Fine. One week, and you will never bring this up again."

Rukia hugged him before dashing out.

Byakuya began contemplating hiding Mr. Chappy.


	104. Prompt: Ricochet

Spoilers for Hueco Mundo arc, through chapter 310. Ishida, Ichigo.

* * *

"Before you mock my 'rescue' by Shinigami, remember that you were 'rescued' too." Ishida glared.

"Yeah, but I don't call them enemies." Ichigo smirked.

"Nell's Arrancar. And you fought Zaraki-taichou."

"I didn't scorn them only to be saved over and over by them."

"Once, Kurosaki. I was saved once. I've defeated a Captain's bankai too."

"Still—"

"Watch out!" Uryuu darted to the side and fired several arrows past Ichigo.

Ichigo turned, pulling out Zangetsu, only to see the arrows coming back.

"Oops. Mirror." Uryuu didn't even try to look innocent as a cursing Ichigo tried to out-run the arrows.


	105. Confrontation

Spoilers for chapter 315. Gin, Aizen, Yamamoto, Shunsui, Ukitake, Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, Halibel

* * *

The traitors and the Espada stared at the six captains. The six Captains stared back.

Gin glanced around. "Peek-a-boo?"

Aizen struggled not to roll his eyes. Yamamoto looked distinctly not amused.

Shunsui was not glancing around. His eyes were very focused. "Well, hel-looooooooo…"

Ukitake sighed. "If I have to find Ise-fukataichou just to get you beaten over the head with a book, I will. Focus."

"But… her top! Or lack of a top…" Shunsui turned pleading eyes to Ukitake.

"As if anyone had any doubt where your eyes were," Hitsugaya muttered.

Matsumoto grinned. "I think I need a new outfit!"


	106. Pervert in Training

Minor spoiler for Soul Society arc. Jinta, Tessai, Yoruichi.

* * *

Jinta hated it when Yoruichi was over in human form. For one thing, it meant dinner was fish. For another, she always teased him.

"I don't like fish," Jinta muttered.

Tessai reached over and patted him on the head. "Fish is healthy for a growing boy!"

"We all know how much you know about health." Jinta poked the fish with his chopsticks.

Yoruichi beamed. "Look at him, Kisuke! He's so cute and grumpy! Doesn't he remind you of little Byakuya?"

Jinta glared.

That didn't stop Yoruichi from hugging him to her cleavage. Okay, maybe he only mostly hated her visits.


	107. Pranks in Hueco Mundo

Spoilers for Hueco Mundo arc. Aizen, Gin, Tousen.

* * *

Gin strung the halls of Hueco Mundo with speakers and wiring. Aizen saw this, raised an eyebrow, and carried on. Tousen, of course, saw nothing.

Once the halls were strung it was easy to torture a few Arrancar and record their noises.

Tousen was listening to violins in his room, relaxing, when the screams started in the hall. Dashing out, he followed the noises. Of course, the former Ninth Captain wasn't fooled very long, but it was more than long enough for Gin to move all of the furniture in Tousen's room.

Even without Rangiku or Kira, Gin found fun


	108. Wanting Company

No spoilers. Shunsui, Ukitake, Unohana

* * *

"Buying candy for Hitsugaya again?" Shunsui eyed the packages in Ukitake's hands.

"Yes. Is there a problem with that?"

"You know Kenpachi's been calling you a dirty old man?"

"What, you heard him?"

"No. Yachiru was saying it yesterday, and she parrots everything Kenpachi says."

"I'm not trying to do anything dirty. I've got you for those types of things."

"Yeah, but why—"

"Ukitake. I told you Hitsugaya was having problems with cavities and asked you not to buy more candy for him."

"Oh, hi, Unohana…" Ukitake looked uncomfortable.

Shunsui grinned. "Jyuu-kun! You just want company at the Fourth!"


	109. Blood Rain

No spoilers. Kenpachi and Yachiru

* * *

Zaraki eyed his paperwork. "Forget this. I ain't gonna do it. Come on, Yachiru. We're going for some fun."

"Yay!" She made a flying leap from the top of a bookshelf, landing neatly on his shoulder. Her aim was good, but if ever she missed, he'd still catch her.

Five minutes later they were in a small field in the real world. Zaraki pulled out a piece of Hollow Bait that Uryuu had loaned him.

He grinned and broke it.

Hollows, Huge and regular, appeared. Laughing maniacally, Zaraki slashed them apart. Yachiru cheered him on, smiling as the blood rained.


End file.
